Swimsuits, self-esteem and simple advice

I detest swimsuit shopping.  Even when I had lost 30 pounds, I still did not enjoy it.  And, today, when those 30 pounds are back with a vengeance, it is even more loathsome.  

Walking in to my local big box store I expected to find an array of suits to choose from because I had this kooky idea that the first day of summer was just last Monday.  Wrong.  Dead wrong. 

I arrived to find what looked like the leftovers that every other woman in the county didn’t want.  Do you know why they didn’t want them?  Two reasons:  too little or too small.

The bikini tops, which were in abundance, came in several sizes:  skinny, extra skinny, and anorexic.  I didn’t even bother to look at the bottoms. Evidently bikinis are “in” but since I don’t want all my flesh pouring “out,” those options are not for me.  

Tankinis.  Now we’re talking.  A much safer choice, but they have to cover.  This retailer had one design in two different colors, both of which were created for a much younger woman.  

One pieces.  The old stand-by.  There were about five of them hanging on a rack.  I raised a hanger to get a better look and noticed that this one was actually too large for me.  (Shocker, I know).  Not to be deterred, I tried another and another.  They were all too large.  Is this some kind of cruel revenge the swimming-suit gods have going on?  

While we’re on the topic, exactly WHY do retailers think that I want to shop for a swimsuit in front of God and everyone else?  The few pieces of swimwear they had left were front and center of the store next to the main aisle.  I love people watching me have an anxiety attack.

If someone was watching from above, I might have looked like a Pac-Man running back and forth through the maze of racks.  

I persevered  and settled on a shirt and a sports bra.  Yes, I realize it’s not a swimming suit, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  

When I got home I thought, “What would happen if I wore these pieces and never thought one more thing about it?”

What if . . .

instead of obsessing about what I looked like or

what others were thinking I looked like, or

what I wished I looked like. . .

what if . . . just per chance,

I put it out of my mind and concentrated on having a good time?

It’s a radical thought for me.  I’m not sure I can do it, but I’m willing to try.  

A wise woman recently told me, “Until you learn to love the parts about yourself that you hate, you’ll never love other people’s parts you hate.”  

Very simply, I must learn to love myself.  It’s possibly my greatest challenge, especially when I’m trying to do it in a swimsuit. 


2 thoughts on “Swimsuits, self-esteem and simple advice

  1. Completely get this! Mentioned it in my post about travelling from Sydney to Byron. Letting my opinion of my body negatively impact the rest of my life is silly and yet I do it all the time. Good post 👌🏽

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